Take this phone book . . . or else.

How to use phone books

It has been years since I've had to use a phone book to look up someone's address or phone number. That book is a dinosaur that is only useful for propping up a toddler at the table. And since the phone books are getting less complete (sans cell phone numbers) and thinner, you need two or three of them to boost a child to any useful height. 

So . . . a few evenings ago I heard a thud at the front door, a sound I recognized as the phone book being hurled onto the steps. I jumped up and ran out, hoping to give it back to the hurler. I handed it to a young man who turned out to be a new neighbor I hadn't met yet. He shook my hand and introduced himself. Josh had just chased the hurler from his house and had successfully given back his directory, but he took mine anyway and ran after the hurler who clearly did not want to take it back. They both took off running at top speed for two blocks. As Josh walked back empty-handed, the hurler who was now in his car, sped to Josh's house and tossed another phone book onto his front step. "I go through this every year," Josh told us. He goes online and opts out of phone book delivery, and yet one is delivered every year. Quotas from the Stone Age. As Josh and Buzz and I talked, the deliverer drove slowly past us, displaying a singular finger. The next morning there were two more phone books on Josh's front step.